I just want to start by saying, don't judge me. Let he who has not lusted after some animated, sword wielding video game vixen cast the first stone. (don't even think about picking up that rock because I know for a fact there are like 100's of sites dedicated to Cortana alone and she is...what is she a holograph, a voice in your head? Whatever, you still want her.) I think I am entitled to have a video game love affair of my own.
It all started with Dragon Age 1. You know what I'm talking about ladies. Alistair. He was the blond, buff, wise cracking, king to be with a heart of gold. I was smitten. We were on an adventure to save Ferelden. He helped me become a Grey Warden. I helped him deal with losing everyone he knew and loved.We fought the Dark Spawn together and gathered our allies to fight the final fight. I fell in love. It didn't matter that I was an elf and most of humankind looked down on me. He saw me for who I was and loved me anyway. The night I found out I was the only woman he had ever been with sealed the deal. I was with him until the bitter end.
He didn't want to be King but I knew he would serve his people well. I would help him. I would be there to make sure the burden wasn't too much for him. When the day came, I chose him as King with no qualms. I knew we would rule side by side and have a fairy tail ending (after we killed all the Dark Spawn and evil dragon thing). My whole world was shattered that day. He dumped me on my ass.
WHAT! Are you kidding me? Why did I get booted from his bed without a second thought? Ohh because I am an elf!!!! Now that you're king you can't be seen sharing your bed with a dirty elf? Unbelievable! I wasn't even good enough to be his mistress. I figured he could have a wife for show and me for his bed at night. I am not wholly unreasonable. I know what humans thought of us elven folk. I could live with that arrangement because I loved him. That pansy ass bastard couldn't risk it. It was unacceptable to have the King of Ferelden banging an elf and so I was left in the cold.
I mourned for days. I really thought he was the one. Never before had the video game world offered someone to us gamer chicks that we could connect with. I had lost him as quickly as I had found him. I was tempted to fall into the arms of Zevran the elf. He grew up in a brothel and I had a feeling he may be able to knock a girls socks off. I wanted love though and I would only get an STD from him.
So, I played games listlessly wondering where my next Prince Charming would come from. Dragon Age 2 was announced and I thought maybe I could see Alistair and talk to him. We could work something out. He had to have feelings for me still. With reconciliation in mind I placed the Dragon Age 2 disk into the tray. I was sorely disappointed. I was taken far away from Ferelden and the man I loved. Forced to start over in a new country. I decided I had no choice and would use this as a fresh start to get over Alistair. Who knew what would await me in this new world. I was sure to find the love I was looking for. It could only go up from here.
I am pretty sure the song Bad Romance was written just for me. Dragon Age 2 started me on a string of rebound men that would have most women swearing off men for eternity.
Anders was the first in a line of bad boyfriends. He wasn't too cute but he was dark and brooding. A rebel! Chicks dig rebels right? He didn't have a sense of humor but he was an oppressed mage, you can't really blame him for that. He really knew how to romance a girl though. Anders was always threatening to kill anyone that tried to come between us. That proves he loves me right?
My next two boyfriends Fenris and Sebastian did nothing to prove that there was a man out there for me. They were both pretty hot but had their own set of issues. Fenris was an ex slave and had a ton of baggage. Biggest one being anger issues. He would yell and storm off every time I didn't agree with him. After my last two failed relationships I wasn't in a place to help him deal with all his issues and decided to end it. I toyed around with this Prince named Sebastian but he wouldn't sleep with me because he was religious and taken some vow of celibacy or some crap like that. I can't be with a man that wont put out so that ended pretty quickly.
I decided I was done with all these medieval bad boys. A new adventure was sorely needed. What better way to forget about all the crappy men in my life but to embark on a brand new franchise.
I heard whisperings of a game that would take me on an Indian Jonesque adventure called Uncharted. What the heck? I had nothing to lose at this point.
I popped the disk in and was stunned. From the moment he walked onto screen I knew I had found my man.
He was tall, dark and devilishly handsome. (I think he's tall, I mean he looks tall on the TV). Nathan Drake took my breath away. Nate had the whole package. (yea I call him Nate what?) Self-deprecating sense of humor? Check. Loyalty? Check. Bulging biceps, adventurous spirit, and looks good in jeans? Check, check, check.
When I was young I had a huge crush on Indiana Jones. He was the most amazing man I had ever seen. Until Nate. Here was an adventurer for the new millennium. A take charge kind of man that would whisk me around the world on endless adventures. He would show me how a real man treats a woman.
So what if there were a bunch of other women panting after him. He would see that I was the one for him. He left his wife for me. (he didnt say it was for me nesscarily but I am good at reading clues). I played through the disks falling in love more and more as each new adventure unfolded.
His ex still hangs around but we need her help on some of our adventures so its cool. He hasn't mentioned we're together yet but I'm sure that's going to happen by the end of Uncharted 3......WTF seriously!!!! He put the ring back on? They are getting back together? Are you freakin kidding me! Screw this. I heard that there's a blue alien looking for love in all the wrong places in Mass Effect. Maybe its time I try women. It has to be better right?
No comments:
Post a Comment